How often do we, as attorneys, truly consider the power of 'modeling' behavior in our professional lives? This question struck me powerfully this week during a discussion with a colleague. While our conversation was about co-parenting, the immediate parallel to the legal profession was undeniable.

As attorneys, we don't often think about this concept, yet it's incredibly important in our daily interactions with clients, colleagues, and even the judiciary. If we don't model the behavior we expect from our clients, our colleagues, and the judges our clients appear before, why should they take us seriously when we ask—or even insist—they do the same?

While I can't speak for the Judiciary, I would assign the same expectation to them, especially in family law cases. If we, as a legal profession, expect those we represent and those who appear before a Court to act in a civil manner, then we absolutely must model that same behavior. This includes many things, but at a minimum: demonstrating civil communication, consistent compliance with court orders, and the ability to express concerns and grievances constructively and ideally with appropriate judicial temperament.

 

 

Furthermore, the thought struck me and resonated with me regarding the complexities of Texas family law, especially when children are involved. We often talk about "orders" and "compliance," but what about the silent, powerful force at play in every family dynamic: modeling behavior?

 

In a Texas family law case, whether it's a divorce, a custody dispute, a CPS matter, or a modification, parents are navigating a highly charged emotional and legal landscape. It's easy to get caught up in the legal battles, the disagreements, and the understandable desire to protect your children. But in the midst of it all, one of the most impactful things a parent can do is to consciously model the very behaviors they want to see – both from their children and in the co-parenting relationship.

This isn't just about good manners; it has profound implications for a child's well-being and a parent's success in navigating the legal system.

Modeling for Your Children's Benefit: A Lifelong Lesson

Think about it: Your children are watching. They are absorbing everything – not just what you say, but how you react under pressure, how you speak about their other parent, and how you handle disappointments and disagreements.

• Emotional Regulation: When emotions run high, modeling calm and respectful communication (even when you disagree) teaches children invaluable lessons about managing their own feelings. Shouting, name-calling, or constant negativity, on the other hand, can instill anxiety and teach them unhealthy coping mechanisms.
• Respect for Authority and Rules: Court orders are essentially rules designed to provide structure and stability for your children. When you consistently comply with these orders, you are modeling respect for the legal system and for established boundaries (not to mention when another person fails to model the same). This helps children understand that rules are to be followed, whether at home, at school, or in society.  Perhaps you disagree with the 'rule', and that is understandable, then modelling how to change that dynamic is just as important.  
• Resilience and Adaptability: Family law cases often involve significant changes. Modeling a positive attitude towards new routines, demonstrating flexibility, and focusing on solutions rather than grievances can help your children adapt more easily to their new circumstances.
• The "Other Parent" Dynamic: This is perhaps where modeling is most critical. Even if you have profound disagreements with your co-parent, speaking respectfully about them (or at the very least, refraining from negative commentary in front of your children) is paramount. It teaches children that it's okay to love both parents, and it prevents them from feeling caught in the middle. Children thrive when they feel secure in their relationships with both parents.

Modeling for Compliance with Orders: A Strategic Advantage

Beyond the immediate benefit to your children, modeling appropriate behavior also serves a very practical purpose in a Texas family law case: demonstrating compliance and good faith to the court.

Judges in Texas family courts are keenly observant. They are looking for parents who prioritize their children's best interests, who can co-parent effectively, and who respect the orders issued by the court.

• Consistency is Key: Consistently adhering to visitation schedules, exchanging information as required, and following financial stipulations shows the court that you are reliable and committed to upholding your legal obligations.
• Documentation Speaks Volumes: If you are consistently modeling good co-parenting and compliance, but the other parent is not, your actions serve as powerful evidence. Documenting your efforts (e.g., timely communications, proof of payments, adherence to pick-up/drop-off times) can be invaluable if future disputes arise.  Often times when we cannot "prove" a specific 'evidentiary' issue due to the Rules of Evidence but can demonstrate a clear deviation from one parent to the other, positive or negative inferences are taken by the Court either to our advantage or against us.  
• Avoiding Contempt: Willfully disregarding court orders can lead to serious consequences, including fines, attorney's fees, and even jail time for contempt. Modeling compliance is the surest way to avoid these pitfalls and maintain a positive standing with the court.
• Future Modifications: Should you need to seek modifications to an order down the line, a history of consistent compliance and cooperative behavior will undoubtedly strengthen your position in the eyes of the court.

The Challenge and the Opportunity

Modeling isn't always easy, especially when emotions are running high or when you feel wronged. It requires discipline, foresight, and a constant focus on the bigger picture: your children's well-being and a successful resolution to your legal matter. Your interaction with the other parent does not end at High School graduation.  I hope and assume you will be a part of your child's (children's') life at their vocational graduation, college graduation, their wedding, when you are at a family members funeral, and numerous other consequential events in their lives.   

However, viewing it as an opportunity – an opportunity to teach your children invaluable life skills and an opportunity to demonstrate your commitment to responsible co-parenting – can shift your perspective.

In Texas family law cases, the courtroom is just one arena (and one, while I am fluent in and enjoy personally -- rarely feel it is in the best interest of the family as a whole). The real work, and often the most impactful, happens in the daily interactions and behaviors that parents model. It's a powerful tool, a responsibility, and ultimately, a pathway to better outcomes for everyone involved.

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