So, you're headed to mediation for your Texas family law matter? No need to stress! While it can feel a bit overwhelming, being prepared can make the whole experience much smoother. [If you are currently represented, you should speak with your attorney about how he/she wants you to prepare.]
1. Know What You Want (and Need):
Before stepping into mediation, take a moment to think about your ideal outcomes. It's like planning a road trip – you need to know your destination! Consider things like:
- Kid Time: What custody and visitation arrangements feel right for your children and your parenting style? What time works for your schedule? What works (or can work) for the other side? Can you gap possession and access to minimize day care cost? When is daycare going to be needed?
- Money Matters: How will everyone's financial needs be met, especially the kids'?
- Stuff and Splits: How should you and your ex divide up the assets (and debts)?
2. Gather Your Paper Trail:
Think of this as packing your mediation suitcase. You may have already exchanged information. It is important to have these documents readily accessible and indexed so you can access the information efficiently. There rarely is a 'time' constraint in mediations, however, being organized will make the mediation go quicker and shows you are in control of the facts. Don't underestimate the latter!!! You'll need important documents like:
- Tax Time: Recent tax returns for both you and your ex.
- Income Info: Pay stubs, W-2s, 1099s, or anything else that shows how much you earn.
- Bank Statements: Recent ones for all accounts.
- Assets and Debts: Titles, deeds, loan statements, retirement account info, etc.
- Kid Costs: Perhaps receipts for daycare, medical bills, after-school activities, and the like. Alternatively, prepare a spreadsheet of those expenses. If you don't currently use home finance software such as Quicken, etc., you should look at doing so. These programs generally allow you to create reports based on general categories or categories you create.
3. Keep Calm and Mediate On:
Mediation can stir up emotions. That's okay! Here are a few tips:
- Manage Expectations: It's about compromise, not winning.
- Communication is Key: Listen actively and speak your needs clearly and respectfully.
- Seek Support: If you need it, talk to a counselor or therapist to help manage stress.
- Time out: It is ok to ask for a time out/break. If you need one, let the mediator know you need a break. Mediators will accommodate this request. It is important to have a clear time the parties will come back from break. If you need a recess (pausing mediation for an extended period of time), talk with the mediator about why you feel you need an extended break. It is my experience that if the parties recess for over an extended time, parties tend to dig in on issues making an agreement later more difficult.
4. Showtime: During Mediation
- Be Flexible: Finding solutions that work for both sides is the name of the game. You can get solutions in a mediation that you can never get in Court. Often times the only person that even mentions the word "Court" will be the attorneys.
- Listen Up: Really hear what the other person is saying and try to understand their perspective.
- Focus on the Future: Don't get stuck in the past. It's time to close this chapter of your life. Put an ending of this chapter is in your best interest. What happened 5 years ago is not very likely to be all that interesting in that ending.