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Suggestions on How to Discuss Litigation with Your Child(ren)

Posted by James Victor Esh | Aug 05, 2024

Divorce or custody battles are undoubtedly challenging for everyone involved, especially children. One crucial aspect of navigating this difficult time is understanding how to communicate with your children about the ongoing litigation.  From the outset, and typically ordered by the Court, that the parties are not to make disparaging remarks of the parent or discuss litigation.  Follow your Court orders.  Nothing in this post suggests you should discuss the details of your litigation with you child(ren).  All that said, kid(s) know something is going one and as a parent you also need to provide age appropriate information.  The below is a discussion of how to approach discussions with your child(ren).  

Open and Honest Communication

Honesty is key when discussing divorce proceedings with your children. It's essential to acknowledge their feelings and provide age-appropriate explanations about what's happening. Avoiding the topic or giving false reassurances can lead to confusion and mistrust. Let them know that it's okay to feel sad, angry, or scared, and reassure them that both parents love them unconditionally.

Focus on Reassurance and Stability

During times of uncertainty, children crave stability and reassurance. Emphasize that they are not the cause of the divorce (or custody matter) and that both parents will continue to love and support them. Maintaining consistent routines and familiar environments can provide a sense of security during this transitional period.

Avoid Negative Talk About the Other Parent

Speaking negatively about the other parent in front of your children can be incredibly damaging. It can create loyalty conflicts and emotional distress. Even if you harbor resentment, it's crucial to refrain from badmouthing the other parent and encourage a healthy relationship between both parents and the child.  I think this is probably one of my most internally challenging conversations with parents internally.  I get a lot of reasons: 1) They need to know what type of person the other parent is, 2) I'm trying to protect him/her (child), etc.  NO!  In the vast majority of my cases (99%), I see no reason to say a negative thing(s) of the other parent.  If he/she is a deadbeat parent, he/she will be regardless of what you say.  You son/daughter will figure that out on your own in due course of life.

Involve a Therapist or Counselor

Consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor specializing in children and families. They can provide guidance on how to navigate difficult conversations and help your children process their emotions in a healthy way. Therapists can also teach coping mechanisms and provide a safe space for children to express their feelings.

Age-Appropriate Discussions

The way you discuss litigation with your children will vary depending on their age and maturity level.

  • Young Children: Keep explanations simple and focus on reassurance. Let them know that both parents still love them and that changes are happening in the family.
  • Older Children and Teenagers: Engage in more detailed conversations, but avoid burdening them with excessive details about legal proceedings. Be open to their questions and concerns.

Protecting Your Children's Well-Being

In Texas, the court's primary concern in family law cases is the best interests of the child. Remember, your children are not pawns in a legal battle. They are innocent bystanders who deserve love, support, and protection during this challenging time. By approaching these conversations with sensitivity and prioritizing their emotional well-being, you can help them navigate the divorce process with resilience and hope.

About the Author

James Victor Esh

Victor understands the struggles of families.  It is at the core of how he practices.  When a family must be reshaped, he understands the emotional struggle this causes.  He seeks to resolve conflicts in the most efficient way by reaching agreements where they can be made.  When an agreement can'...

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